Woods, Vonn On Hand As New Pope Signs Exclusive Deal With Nike

Barely a week into his Papacy, Pope Francis has today put pen to paper on a club deal with Nike reportedly worth $25 million over five years.  Posing for photos with Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn from the window of his apartment overlooking St. Peter’s Square the new Bishop Of Rome said he was “chuffed to bits” with the deal. 

The Pontiff is to use Nike woods, irons, and the method putter with an option of retaining his special edition Scotty Cameron Vatican 2.

“Who’d have thunk a Pope would be using clubs from The Oven, being that hot places are usually the reserve of Satan and his ministers of evil but hey, I really love them”, Pope Francis joked to reporters outside St. Peter’s Basilica.

Following mass with world leaders during which he was seen using an older model Nike driver, the Holy Sea released an encyclical letter clarifying the matter and decreeing that he intends using the Nike Victory Red driver rather than the new Nike Covert.

It read “I have retreated to prayer these past three days and asked God for that little extra bit of ball speed from the Covert, but it’s just not happening for me.  I’ve worked through several shafts with my swing coach, the Papal Nuncio, but none match the numbers I’m getting from the Victory Red. All God is telling is me is that the Covert is working for Thorbjorn Olesen and I should continue to seek out the answer through prayer and fasting.”   

Pope Francis played 18 holes this morning with retiring pontiff, Pope Benedict XVI on the sprawling Jack Nicklaus designed Vatican Dunes, located deep beneath the City.  Taking into account Papal Infallibility on four short putts, the former Argentinean Cardinal signed for an 8 under par, 64 to claim the modest €40 billion wager between the two.

 

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