Vijay Singh Delivers 40 Minute Stand Up Comedy Routine In Scotland

By Ron for GolfcentralDaily.com (warning may contain satire) 

St. Andrews, Scotland: Patrons enjoying a dram of Scotch whiskey at the Jigger Inn in St Andrews were left open mouthed last night after golfer Vijay Singh delivered an impromptu 40 minute stand-up comedy routine.

Singh opened his set by donning a black wig, and pretending to send text messages whilst wildly swinging a prop Nike driver resembling a ball and chain.

vijay funny pic

Heckled wildly throughout, the 50 year old continued his routine with a skit questioning several players angry personas on the golf course.

“What’s up with these chumps Monty and Sabbatini and this new guy Billy Horse-shoe? Is that what he’s called? ‘Billy Horse-Shoe?’” inquired Singh with a girlish laugh. “Those guys need a can of Deer Antler Spray with an extra tube of ‘Calm The F*ck Down’ cream,” he added.

Singh then performed a five minute mime seated upright against the rear wall of the public house, arms straight by his sides, his tongue pressed firmly against his lower lip in what witnesses described as a bid to mimic US PGA Champion Jason Dufner.

The former world number one ended the routine with a dialogue on the President’s Cup, musing that the USA Team “are taking this whole President’s yada yada yada thing way too seriously.”

“Across the hall in the International team room, there’s a big bunch of language experts translating ‘We couldn’t really give a shit’ into seven different languages.”

ronWhilst been escorted to the door by two large security men, Singh vowed to repeat his performance “every evening this week until every last one of you mother f*ckers like me.”

 

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