Tiger Woods Willie Says Its Time To Stand Up And Be Counted After Three Years Off

By Ron for golfcentraldaily.com.

tiger willyOnce one of the busiest members in American celebrity life, Tiger Woods’ willie today celebrated three years on the straight and narrow at a low key party with family and friends.

The shrivelled weiner, which was almost unrecognizable behind a thick beard and helmet and has remained largely inactive since 2010 told reporters it thinks it’s ready to start working again.

“Obviously I’ll never hit the heights of the noughties when it was a seven nights a week pumpfest but I’m hoping now that Lindsey Vonn is on the scene, the dog might see the rabbit a bit more,” said Tiger’s snake.

mindy lawton“You know Tiger isn’t just the best golfer in the world. He needs other things, like love, companionship and a beautiful naked woman jumping up and down on him for 15 minutes at least once a fortnight.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Tiger loves nothing more than to pit his wits against Rory McIlroy in a Major, or battle down the stretch with Phil Mickelson, but really are you telling me that anything could ever replace a good tight ass and pert pair of youknowhats first thing in the morning?” argued Tiger’s dingaling. 

ron“I promise I wont make all the big decisions for Tiger like I did in the past.  I think I’ve learned my lesson with the Mindy Lawton thing, I really let the boss down badly with that one.  But hey, we’re stuck with each other and I’m just delighted to be working again. It’s time to stand up and be counted.”

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