Lydia Ko Saved By Skippy The Bush Kangaroo After Mineshaft Incident

Runaway Australian Women’s Open first round leader Lydia Ko is this morning recovering after a surviving a harrowing overnight ordeal.  It’s thought that the amateur star spent up to eight hours stuck down an old mineshaft after apparently falling in following her opening round.

The teenager was eventually discovered and rescued by Skippy The Bush Kangaroo who happened to be carrying out a routine mineshaft patrol around the Royal Canberra course.

It is as yet unclear how Ko became trapped.  Canberra police spokesman, Detective Daniel Braxton, said that though the South Korean star was awake and has been interviewed “nobody had a Goddamn notion what bloody language the flamin’ sheila” was speaking.

Karrie Webb and Jiyai Shin, who were seen giggling and holding hands as the skipped away from the disused mine around the time of the incident, claimed they were simply carrying out a post round core mobility training session in the area had no comment when questioned by reporters.

Detective Braxton said it was highly unlikely that anyone will be found responsible for the incident. “The bloody sheila talks like a hen. She’s as good as a one legged man in an ass kickin’ competition,” said Braxton before adding “besides it’s bloody hot, the flies are bad out there and she’s alright isn’t she.  As we say in Australia, case solved.”

Although discovered by Skippy around two hours after getting trapped, the heroic Kangaroo was unable to raise the alarm immediately as the only two men in the world who can understand his tuts, Head Ranger Matt Hammond and his son Sonny were half a million miles away foiling a plot to assassinate The Queen in Waratah National Park.

However the quick thinking marsupial enlisted the help of up to fifty other local Kangaroos to take part in the rescue effort.  Play was briefly held up as the kangaroos crossed the course.

Pic: Kangaroos crossing the Canberra course as they headed to the scene of the Ko mineshaft incident yesterday.

Speaking of the rescue effort in which Ms Ko was lifted 50 feet pouch by pouch by Kangaroos standing on each others shoulders  to safety, Detective Braxton said “What they did was bloody marvellous.  Obviously using rope was out the question for Skippy as Kangaroos doesn’t have the fingers or opposable thumbs required to tie knots or grip tight enough to pull a heavy load, so they had to think outside the box.  We might have to delay the annual Kangaroo population control cull by a month or two this year by way of gratitude.”

Ko is expected to make a full recovery, but slipped back out of the lead during the second round of the tournament.

 

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