Q School Hopeful Sensationally Ditches Paolo Nutini In Bid To Get European Tour Card

Scottish, sounds older than he actually is, singer Paolo Nutini is waking up this morning minus one high profile fan as Irish professional golfer David Higgins revealed he had deleted him from his ipod on the eve of one of the biggest tests of his career.  Higgins will now attempt to qualify for the European Tour through Q school starting tomorrow without the help of the dentally defective folk crooner.

The_LumineersThe skinny Scottish songster told reporters he was coping with the rejection, saying “I’ve got food in my belly and a licence for my telly, so everything is gonna be alright.”

Higgins, who, according to wikipedia, turns 40 at the end of the month will then be certifiably medically too old to listen to Nutini and has thus sought out other musical genres in a bid to help him cope with the rigours of Tour School.

“I’m going with ‘The Lumineers’ this week because I feel can keep me chilled,”  the Bernhard Langer dopple-ganger told a packed press conference at PGA de Catalunya. 

The European Tour met yesterday in emergency session to ratify The Lumineers as conforming music for players aged forty and over. They join  Enya, ABBA and Leonard Cohen on the exclusive list.

Speaking from their new base in Denver Colorado where they are busy working on their second album, The Lumineers lead singer and guitarist Wesley Schultz said “we’re delighted to be on David’s ipod this week, everyone knows Tour School is a complete pain in the arse so we’re determined to keep our guy super chilled with a blend of vocals drums, percussion, mandolin and of course cello.

The Dave Matthews Band, who were widely tipped to take over from Nutini on Higgins ipod are said to be “inconsolable” and declined to comment.

 

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