Americans Vote For Four More Years Of Obama’s Terrible Golf Swings

Even though Jack Nicklaus himself promised to give Mitt Romney golf lessons, the American people have spoken today and expressed their fervent wish to continue watching Barack Obama hack it around for four more years.

  President Obama overcame concerns about a weak grip and a fragile economic recovery shot to soundly defeat Romney. "We've got more work to do on my golf game," Obama declared, on front of a  cheering crowd at his victory rally in Chicago early Wednesday morning.

In his victory speech Obama conceded that his game isn’t at the level promised four years ago but vowed that “progress will come in fits and starts.”

“While the round has been long and we’ve used the porta-loos a lot, we have picked ourselves up, we have fought our way back to level par and we know in our hearts that for the United States of America, I get two shots on every hole,” the clearly fired-up president told the crowd.

“I made Osama Bin Laden take two shots in a bunker and won that match,” the President proclaimed to a standing ovation.

Romney conceded shortly after midnight, and said he would “pray that the president will be successful in holing more putts on the White House putting green.” The former Massachusetts governor urged Washington's politicians to set aside the “bickering over tap ins” and “political posturing to decide who drives off first” going forward.  

“This round is over for me, I won’t get to play with Jack, and Obama cant play for jack but our principles endure,” Romney said. 

Resident’s of Virginia, Colorado, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, Wisconsin and Michigan, known as the Swing States, voted to stick with Obama’s dodgy but experienced swing instead of Romney’s totally untried swing.  Many analysts agree that had Romney revealed his swing prior to the election it could have been a much closer battle.

 

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