Illegal Belly Putter Found Alongside Body Of Drug Addict

New Jersey Police, investigating the death of notorious crack addict say they have recovered an illegal belly putter from the scene.

sleeping rough“It was a grizzly find, very difficult for our officers,” said staff sergeant Alonzo Morning at the scene. “We are not looking for anyone else in relation to this death.  We’ve recovered an illegal belly putter alongside the body.  It’s pretty clear the deceased had been anchoring shortly before his death.”

The county coroner confirmed the cause of death following a post mortem. “It seems the victim was attempting to get an illegal high by pushing a belly putter into his abdomen. It looks like he pushed it just a little too far and the euphoric effect of the illegal putting caused his heart to explode. It’s an all too common sight nowadays.”

The dead man has been named locally as Timmy Rimmer, and was described as “a nice but nervous guy who lived rough on the streets.

“He started out with hash but moved quickly to crack,” said his ex dealer Marlo Stanfield.  “He was always looking for something to get an even bigger buzz.  Lately he had been getting a hit from banned titanium drivers but nobody ever expected him  to graduate to abusing belly putters.  He should have stuck with the sh*t he knew.”

Detective Morning finished his statement by again urging members of the public to be vigilant against those more vulnerable members of society who turn to belly putters.  He warned against heckling them on the streets  which could diminishing their already ailing confidence levels and lead to further incidents.

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